Hey friends. So PDA. You all know it. You’ve all seen it. Hell, maybe you’ve even DONE it. But moving forward, let’s all get on the same page.

PDA is gross. No one wants to see folks swap spit when they’re trying to get from A to B. I didn’t sign up to watch people who clearly aren’t meant for the big screen attempt to act out the culmination of their favorite romance movie. Arm around shoulder = acceptable. Hand holding = occasionally acceptable. Anything more? So five minutes ago.

Now I’m not saying this is Downton Abbey where a long glance is the equivalent of getting to first base. We’re not in the Victorian era of public restraint. But there are some places where the person to person contact should be kept at bay. For New Yorkers, the subway is the penultimate cathedral of gross PDA. You’re in close proximity, trapped in a small car with no way out until the next stop. It’s like watching a bad movie you can’t stop.

And now, I’m gonna go all real on the situation. There’s two instances where PDA is marginally okay. If it’s two hot people exercising some public PDA, then it’s just a nice viewing party for passers-by. Beautiful people engaged in endearment is like watching a live romantic comedy, after the couple gets together. Awghhh, adorbs. The second instance? Old people — and we’re talking basic PDA here, no deep cuts. Old people embracing is the equivalent of getting When Harry Met Sally performed live. Love lives on!! Cute.

But most people? Most people are NOT a cute old person or half of a beautiful couple. So keep the passion private please. It’s gross for the rest of us.

Now the other PDA…public displays of arguing. That’s a whole separate diatribe.