You know what’s SUPER so five minutes ago? Suffering for ANYTHING when there’s a product for EVERYTHING.

When I was younger, I loved poring over Hammacher Schlemmer, Sharper Image, (and in more recent years) SkyMall catalogs. I even worked at the now-defunct Lillian Vernon for a summer in high school. What a fascinating window into retail commercialism at its most intense origins! Products, products, products for every possible need, ailment, corner of your house. I didn’t even KNOW that existed and yes, of course I need that.

Well, lady and man-friends. The onion goggles are no different. Why on the earth would one suffer through a single second of teary-eyed onion chopping when such a stylin’, brilliant product exists (yes I found it at a gay kitsch store originally). Not only do my mom, aunt, friends, and I own a pair — but Phil wore them on Modern Family a couple episodes back. They are becoming mainstream, and I couldn’t be happier.

Why? BECAUSE THEY MAKE SENSE. As Phil says, “Welcome to the 21st century. You should get a pair….Those really frame your face.”

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