Now That's What I Call Christmas! 3

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Full disclosure: I’m halvsies Jesus, halvsies Moses (aka half-Christian, half-Jewish) but really nothing as I wasn’t baptized, bat-mitsvahed, or…well…anything. I used to go to church, but being a fatty kid at heart, all I was focused on was getting some sweet bread action come communion time, and maybe some nice grape juice to wash it down the hatch.

But none of that should matter when it comes to the yule time of year, because — get this — EVERYONE WANTS IN ON CHRISTMAS. Take heed, young’uns. Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt. The holiday spirit is infectious. Capitalism has made it so. Gifts, materialism, gifts, cookies, gifts, egg nog, gifts, holiday parties, gifts. Not being a part of this can potentially make one feel like poor little Oliver pressing his little British nose to a frosted window, looking in on a scene of warmth and merriment. This has absolutely nothing to do with religion, mind you. This is directly tied to the amazing magical commercialism of the Christmas season that makes me burst inside with glee. Goddamn it. It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

When Starbucks puts out their red Christmas cups, when the Coca-Cola polar bear pushes some soda pop, when the Hess Truck’s here and it’s better than ever……I know that the best (and frankly, only non-depressing) part of winter has taken hold. And relish it, you BET I do.

Now, the best part of Christmas is clearly the anticipation of Christmas. On actual Christmas Day, I’d fo sho align with my Jewish half and ride that express train to a triple-header at the movies. With some lo-mein. Cuz they’s right on the money with that plan of action.

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