Reflected candy corn.

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Candy Corn. So orange. So seemingly innocuous. But no — that evil evil sugary substance is even more potent and dangerous than all the ghouls, goblins, and monsters in the world combined on Halloween.

Stacy’s Pita Chips. So crunchy. So “natural” sounding. But no — those crunchy munchy little baked carbs have nothing natural or organic about them.

Honey Bunches of Oats. So fun sounding. So sweet. Honey in bunches?! What could be more fun?! NOT fun. Hazardous. Alarming. That’s what they are.

Why you might ask? Why are these various morsels of deliciousness on my sh*t list? I’ll tell you why.

Because they’re not food. They’re CRACK. Once you start eating them, you can’t stop. I’m convinced they are laced with something. You know afterwards, as you’ve devoured a box or bag or whatever that you will feel ill — you know this WHILE you are popping these tasty delights. But you can’t stop. Because they are so addictive. They should be banned, really. Self-control is impossible with these bad boys. Anyway, self-control was so five minutes ago.

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