You know what really gets my goat? Talking on red-eye flights. Everyone’s sitting there with one common purpose and goal for the flight: hopefully dealing with the inherently uncomfortable nature of airplane seats with the prayer that some shut-eye will ensure so your body clock isn’t entirely out of wack upon landing.

But apparently, as I learned on a red-eye from LA to NY recently, not everyone has this goal. Some people apparently book these night to morning flights to have nice, long, middle-of-the-night chats with their fellow passengers!! How fun!! Catching up with girlfriends in the sky at 4AM!

When I’m trying to go to sleep and people near me are talking, it’s as if their conversation is the loudest thing in the whole wide world. Their words and tone are morphed into Chewbacca-volume sounds causing me to bleed from the ears. Listen — I don’t care if you have your 40th class REUNION on a red-eye flight. Just don’t mess with my sleep time. It’s so five minutes ago. And tacky. Oh, and don’t be that person with the inflatable neck pillow. Everyone knows they’re uncomfortable. Realllllly.

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